Wonderful News

[Michelle-Marie Hodges]

Friday, July 13th 2008

I received the most wonderful news today. I can remember as a young child I was told if I prayed long enough and in earnest, my prayers would be answered. I had hoped and prayed that each morning when I woke that that "thing" that made everyone insist and demand that I was not the girl I knew I was but a boy, would be gone. By age six I'd lost hope and tried removing it myself. Didn't work and only resulted in being viewed as damaged by my father. (He in his last years reconnected with me.) Many years I struggled with the pain and suffering first by being different then by pretending to be what I never was or wanted to be, a man. Finally I accepted myself and started living and began my transition. I at last found peace and happiness within myself.

Last October 29th I was in Trinidad, Colorado and saw Dr. Marci Bowers. I had my physical and consultation and in November Dr. Bowers called and gave me my SRS date, December 4th 2008.

This morning Dr. Bowers office called and said there was an opening and would I like taking it. My new surgery date is now July 31st. Six weeks from today my prayers which I started as a young child will at last be answered. I sat and cried. All day I have been on an emotional high never felt before.

Cami and I will be flying out on July 29th and will be staying three weeks. I will be thinking of all those I've met both online and in person who by sharing with me their experiences and help gave me the strength to openly be myself. That strength gave me a confidence to stand and be seen and heard as an advocate in the cause of LGBT rights, focusing on both the T and as a Lesbian couple.

Thank you all. Wiil be in contact.
Michelle-Marie

[Zohra]

Wow girl,

This is W.O.N.D.E.R.F.U.L. newsssss i am so happy for you that you will finally BE and FEEL complete as the woman you have always been.

Iwish YOU and Cami all the luck in yournew life as a complete woman...

I am crying happy tears WITH YOU!! :-)

Please, keep us updated girl!!!

Luv,
Zohra

[Michelle-Marie Hodges]

Zohra, Thank you. just reading your note has once again started the tears. Tears yes of my joy but also tears for all those who like myself only want to be real in who they truly are.

Love you all,
Michelle-Marie

[Zohra]

you're welcome MM... i still have a long road to go, cuz i am suffering from Obesity and i need to lose weight before i even GET PERMISSION to start HRT. However, i am living as a woman for years now but still waiting for things to be 'completed' so to say.

M mom told me something really touching a few years ago: 'When i carried you in my tummy, i wished you would be a girl, now my dream comes true after all, only with a detour'.

This really touched my heart. And now she is living in a nursing home cuz she has alzheimers disease. I only hope i will be a complete woman before she really starts to get katatonic...

Luv,
Zohra

[Michelle-Marie Hodges]

Zohra, Last October Cami and I made a 9000 mile road trip across the US from Virginia to California. We spent comfortable nights in motels when possible and many uncomfortable nights and and naps in my Ranger pick-up. The trip was part of wanting to see my mother and my consultation with Marci. I wanted to let her see how wonderfully happy I am at last and to meet my sweet partner Cami. She had seen the results of years of depression and had to deal with the many calls of my suicide attempts. After she learned of my self acceptance and living as the woman I've always been yet hid and the many pictures I shared with her, she said "its wonderful to have my daughter back". I as you felt so touched, my mother who bore me and raised me, accepted me as her daughter.

The importance of this visit was that in 1999 my mother was told she has an aneurysm next to a major valve in her heart and only had a short time to live. Here it is 9 years later and shes 78 and we never know. We had a wonderful visit of several days and she was happy that I finally found peace within myself. She loved Cami, something she never felt with my ex.

I was planning on seeing her after SRS but only a week ago learned that she has cancer. Its spreading fast. Its in her breast, under her arms and into her organs. With a December date I just did not know if she be with us. Now with my new date in July, maybe so.

Zohra, just remember your mother accepts you and thats complete love without any conditions. See her often. I wish 3000 miles did not separate my mother and I.

Hugs and Love,
Michelle-Marie